21 going back to 13

Posted by applejoy at 01:17 AM on January 17, 2005.

i have a new crush. waaah. gusto ko si mark ruffalo. i watched 13 going on 30 today, and man, is he THE type of guy i've always dreamt of being married to. he was the bestfriend, the guy who was taken forgranted, the person left behind but even when they grew up he was still stuck on jennifer gardner. even on his wedding day (was to be married to another girl), he confessed that it's always been her. waaah. that scene totally kills me. he tells jennifer that he's chosen the other girl, because he'd moved on, AND he says he never stopped loving her, all in one breath. and the way he looked at jennifer during the whoole movie, the way he seemed so sweet and unsure of what he was feeling... haaay. kakainlab. i'm a sucker for movies like that.

kakalungkot lang. na i guess until now i'm still wondering if i'd end up with carl in the future. ewan ko ba. iniisip ko, if sha talaga, then why am i even having these type of thoughts? shouldn't i be 100% sure of that already if i totally want to be with him. tapos kung di rin pala dun pupunta relationship namen, then what's the whole point of being with him now? parang i'm having him wait around until the real thing comes along? labo no? pero one thing is, i really don't want to end up hurting him. that's for sure. he means a lot to me. and i care tons for him. i guess sometimes i'm still wondering if we're meant to end up with each other or not. haay. senti thoughts nanaman for no particular reason. cheh. tigilan na nga ito.

hay Lord, ang labo ko talaga. buti di kayo naguguluhan saken. pero kung sa bagay, kung malabuan pa kayo saken di ko na alam kung sino pa makakaintindi saken.
salamat na rin po.

first day of the week at work. *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Currently listening to: crazy for you - madonna
Currently feeling: sleepy

bite back?

wirdo

Posted by applejoy at 03:43 AM on January 14, 2005.

i cannot help it.

i am absolutely being mataray. for no particular reason. i can't believe it. i am totally snapping out everyone else's head off AND I CAN'T HELP IT. major case of PMS, i'm so sorry.

*

if anyone, anyone at all can help me with my template, i'd really really appreciate it. di ko na tuloy ma-enjoy magblog as much, ang olats kase ng template ko e. and half a dozen times i've thought of self-studying the whole css crap so i can do something about it, pero wala kong magagawa! limited lang ang brain capacity ko for technical jargon. grabe, if any of you kind souls who'd happen to pass by my blog, PLEASE, gawa nio ko template. kahit anong out of the ordinary talaga.

*

for lack of better things to write about, let me bore you with one of my favorite things in the world - trivialities:


**The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

**Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury

**Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

**Coca-Cola was originally green.

**It is impossible to lick your elbow.

**The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

**The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

**The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

**The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

**Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

**The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

**The youngest pope was 11 years old.

**The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

**Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

**Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander theGreat, Diamonds - Julius Caesar

**111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

**If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in The air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in The air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the Horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

**Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

**"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

**Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them Looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

**Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.

**Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

**Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

**Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

**Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

**Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey

**Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

**Q What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.

**Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

**In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".

**It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in- law with All the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.

**In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

**Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the Rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase Inspired by this practice.

**In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

**AND FINALLY At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!



-------- ang cool no?

Currently listening to: unwell - matchnox 20
Currently feeling: grumpy

bite back?

times of refreshing

Posted by applejoy at 10:54 AM on January 8, 2005 as a favorite post.

i had an awesome day today. after the longest time, i got to hang out with my college friends again. since almost all of them are going to med, trying to fix up a schedule for a gimik that would fit right for all of us is just plain craaazy. so after i got off work, i went straight to ust to bond up with my amazing friends. walang ligo-ligo, walang toothbrush-toothbrush! walang pakialaman, kanya-kanya na 'to.

it's great how a totally sucky day (evening for normal people), can turn out to be as oppositely wonderful in the end. to start with, i was 30 minutes late for work, ang una pang sumalubong saken ay yung ka-team ko na soobrang hangin, at napwesto pa ko sa mala-freezer sa lamig na station sa office.

but the worst thing about it was, this guy i've platonically bonded with (or so it seemed to me) at work, was being cold, uninterested, aloof, (add in every word with that train of thought, that's how he was being), for the past few days. and the thing is, i have absolutely no idea why. he did kid around before na inaasar sha ng teammates nia saken. pero given how people always see us talking, isn't that like a normal thing? but lately he's being distant and unapprochable. maybe it's just a part of my paranoia, pero the the only slightly reasonable explanation i can think of why he's acting all dopey is that naiilang sha na inaasar kame with each other. i mean, how immature can that get? di na tayo gradeschool dito para mag-paapekto sa pangttrips ng ibang tao 'no. considering na from the start pa lang, we're both aware na na we're friends -- no more no less, nasa ulirat pa niang magpa-apekto sa mga ganong bagay. dude, grow up. if they think they have enough reason para asarin tayo together, problema na nila yun 'no. 'di ko magets baket kelangan mo pumatol. i just can't believe you'd subject yourself to that type of immaturity. how overly dissapointing. and nakakahinayang. cos we had a kick-ass friendship like no one else's.

-- okay, i'm ranting now so i'd just stop at this...

ANYWAYS... so yun, i was feeling awful for that kaya naisip ko na i needed reinforcement from my hardcore friends. so after catching one hour of sleep (this being the fault of the person sleeping beside me who snored like there's no tomorrow) at the office's sleep room, i went to ust to wait for my friends to get out of class for some big time bonding. i got there in time fo breakfast so binulabog ko ang dating dorm ko and i forced nana to have breakfast with me. san pa? e di sa frio. ultimate kainan pag nagkakatamaran mag-isip of a better place. so over our immortal tapsis and tocis, we covered almost 7 months worth of kamustahans, chismisans and plain tawanans. i missed nana. she was one of my major shock-absorbers back in college, especially since i have all these dramas in life. and she's also one of the funnest people to be around with. it was hilarious seeing a ruffa mae-lookalike (donita rose, to be fair to her) doing nigger talk or dancing to new age hiphop while crossing her eyes. crazy nana. then she had to go to class so i hopped over to erica's dorm and we spent her 3-hr break period on kwentos and early lunch at coffee indulgence though she had an anatomy quiz at 1pm. bait talaga ng mga kaibigan ko. then i met up with macky and we went to jam's place in lacson to crash and lambast her for her choice of men (pigs, jerks, asses? to be exact?). we talked about med, macky's issues wth other people, jam's kamalasan when it comes to her lovelife, and carl's pagtitiis with me. grabe. all that in just a few hours. it amazes me that even though we haven't spoken to each other for like the longest time, pag nagdaldalan na, hay nako, parang 'di kame magkakaiba ng pinuntahan. hinintay namen yung bagong boylet nia na sunduin sha, so we can lambast her some more, then by 4 pm, i coerced macky to take me to the fx terminal going home. by this time pumupungay pungay na mata ko at nagpipilit ng magshutdown brain ko, pero dahil nakahiram pa ko ng confessions of a shopaholic kay jam, inabuse ko pa ang konting kapangyarihang tinataglay ko. sobrang pagod na talaga ko at ngapupumilit na mata ko pumikit, pero my mind was swirling with the events of that day kaya i could'nt get any rest at all. i missed my college crew. as dramatic as it sounds, i felt like i completely belonged. grabe Lord, bless my friends.

i got home around 5.30. i had an hour to spare before i go out for our first devotional meeting with the youth small group we were trying to develop in our church. so i started this entry and i couldn't stop typing! ang saya talaga nitong araw na 'to! then i left for out meeting and though nagka-problema with the hintayan at kung san talaga magkikita, we all got to the right place, at kumplete kame! all ten of us! at nakaka-bless talaga to see the kids's enthusiasm in meeting up to share what's been happening to them since the camp. we spent 2 hours, sharing on what changed in us after the experience we had from the camp, our thoughts on love and having boyfriends at their age (for crying out loud, they were only in highschool!). though a little after 10 nagtatawagan na mga magulang nila, asking where they were. yikes. yun pala yung feeling nung mga leaders namen before na sobrang nahihiya samga magulang namen pag nakakauwi kame ng late from our meetings. so yun, we said our prayers and goodbyes then we carpooled the kids home. i got home ng mga midnight at kahit nagsusumigaw na katawan ko para magpahinga, i went straight to finishing this post.

all in all, the point of this very mahabang blog is it's only now that i totally appreciate the gift of friendship tha God gives each one of us. you find friends everywhere, but it's really rare that you keep the friendship even beyond years, distance and time. and once you have those types? grabe. pinagpala ka talaga ng Diyos. pero naisip ko rin na being blessed with the gift of friendship is not enough. it also takes effort to make things work. hehe, one department i'm lacking in. pero ngayon, i'm just feeling so at peace right now with the events of the day. it's like things still came together after all. and i want to thank you for that, Lord. thank you for still blessing me with wonderful friends, even if all else fails.

"to each his own. one way or another we all branch out, get blown away and go to where we're supposed to. what remains is what lies beneath..."

* posted one day later as i was already indisposed at the time of finishing this blog *

Currently listening to: sunday morning - maroon5

1 bit back

just the way it is

Posted by applejoy at 04:40 AM on January 6, 2005.

i found this when i was searching for sad stories online. mejo naaliw at mejo partly tinamaan ako kaya post ko na rin dito. sayang nga lang di nia tinapos. hehe, gawan ko kaya ng sarili kong ending 'to?


* * *

a friend once said that there are some loves that just don't go away. they only fade out little by little in time. the same way that the pain from your first heartbreak doesn't really heal with time. the only thing time can do is to numb the emotions to cover up the feeling. to put you into thinking that it's not there anymore, when it reality, it never really went away.

this isn't a story on heartbreak. or bitterness. or still pining for that someone. or even wishful thinking. this is just me. spilling my guts out once again, after such long time.

when i was 18 i fell in love. with the worst kind of person anyone can possibly fall in love with. he was funny, and sweet, and charming, and really caring, and he made me feel like i was queen of his world. all the time, I though it was just me he had on a pedestal. just me he was building his whole world around on. and as all of you might've already guessed, i had been wrong.

i've been crazy about him for the longest time. have you ever had that feeling of wanting to be with the same person all the time? because when you're not with him, all you can think about is how different things might've been if he was around. that was the feeling i had whenever i wasn't with him. and i honestly can't decide what's worst. the feeling i have when i'm not with him or the butterfly/ pins and needles sensation i have in my stomach everytime we're together.

i've always thought i'd end up marrying him. at the back of my mind i was already dreaming up elaborate fantasies on the kind of married life we'd lead. the perfect relationship and the perfect jobs, with the perfect house and perfect little kids who'd look like us. i thought we had everything all planned out for us. i guess not.

then that day happened. we had a fight over something so trivial i don't even remember what it was about anymore. i remember acting like a kid, trying to be all stubborn and waiting for him to come to his senses and beg me to forgive him. he never did. i guess he's had enough of my immaturity. he said he wanted out. and it was over. what was i supposed to do? i've never been one to force myself onto another person, even if i happen to love that person. so i held on my damned pride, as broken as i was, and shrugged the whole thing off.

but you know, that's the sad thing about pretentions. because you choose to show the world that you're okay, that everything's fine when deep down, you're crumbling apart. that's how it had been for me for 7 months. i had to go through my everyday notions in the usual way, like nothing life-changing has happened, when actually i felt like i was entering a black hole with everything i've valued sucked out of my being. i was miserable, to put it lightly. i was broken and torn, jaded and cynical, hurting inside with no immediate cure.

then i met someone. the perfect person to be in love with, actually. he was everything i hoped the other guy had been. he makes me laugh, he looks after me, he sincerely loves me, and he makes me feel like a princess. and despite of myself and everything i'd been through, i knew i was bound to fall in love with him.

we're about to celebrate our one year anniversary next week. everything's supposed to be great, right? well guess what, it's not. over the past two weeks, i've been thinking of what might have been between me and my other guy. i know it's crazy because i'm dwelling on something that's not there anymore.

...

Currently listening to: i'll never get over you - expose

1 bit back

my eyes are fogging over

Posted by applejoy at 05:04 AM on January 4, 2005.

i hope people realize this, but it's so much educating, reading on other people's blogs. it's not a matter of my being pakialamera, pero i really get a lot thru reading into other people's entries. kung ano-ano man yun, akin na lang yun...

one reason why it's tough luck forgetting about the past? is that memories just float through your consciousness in no random order, for no particular reason, leading to no specific resolution. and it happens WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. you know, when you're reading your devotionals, or when you're singing along in the car, when you're looking out the window, or even when you're laughing like crazy with your workmates. it happens during the most harmless times, when you've convinced everyone else that you're over the whole thing and you're totally not into that "i can't forget" stuff anymore. CRAAAZY. cos it haunts you all over. and even for the slightest moment, you remember -- when that's what you've been working so hard not to do.

at times like these, i'm missing my friends. they'd probably know the exact right thing to smack me with to get me out of this delusional state.

so sad, i feel like i haven't majorly connected with another human being in such a long time...

Currently listening to: here without you - three doors down

bite back?

big on commitments

Posted by applejoy at 06:13 AM on December 29, 2004.

congratulate me, you guys! i FINALLY have a lifeplan.

hehe, kaasar. one year after graduation, dun ko lang nadecide-an kung ano gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko.

so here it goes, i'm gonna stay here sa preaking company na to, at least until march. so i could save up enough to go to med next sem. yiiikes! ambishosa! medicine ito! haay. at least that's one fourth of the grand plan already. i have my dream with me. it's up to God na to make the rest come true. hehehe.

i already told my mom about it too, pero like what she said, it still needs a lot of prayers pa nga. for confirmation. and enlightenment. so i can know for sure kung yun talaga yung gusto ni Lord for me. that's what it's all about naman e. i want to do what will be pleasing to Him. although alam kong buong buhay ko e sobrang disappointment lang binigay ko sa kanya. well, it's never too late to have a change of heart -- and life naman, diba?

hay nako, Lord. kayo na talaga bahala. let me walk in your way and in your will. i-ready Nio ko. sa kung ano mang plano Nio sa buhay ko. i love You. and i offer my life to You.

Lord you readily forgive. but that's not enough for me. bind my heart to Yours seven times over, so that it may never stray away from You.

bite back?

mood music

Posted by applejoy at 04:51 AM on December 21, 2004.

we never talked about it. cos you never even cared. and what you really wanted, i never eved had, cos what makes it right and what may be wrong. seems out of sight this place we belong, giving everything. giving everything for love and finding out it's not enough. there's nothing left between you and i. i'm finding faith and losing us in worlds collide. together we seem perfect, a fairytale for show. and looking on the outside, you'll never really know. but we're just not right and compromise is wrong. seems out of sight this place we belong, giving everything. giving everything for love and finding out it's not enought. there's nothing left between you and i. i'm finding faith and losing us. in worlds collide. - plumb

i can't believe it. 3 days before my birthday, 4 days before christmas, and i'm squabbling like crazy with carl. oo na, immature nanaman ang pinag-ugatan pero it just weighs me down. kase we both know we have a lot to work on in our relationship, especially now that things aren't as great as before. and just when things were starting to look up, this happens. parang all the more na pagtrabahuhan namen, lalo lang nagkakagulo. nakakapagod na, na nakakalungkot, na nakakadrain, na parang mas madali na lang sabihing "tama na nga, lokohan na lang 'to e." pero do we have what it takes to just let go? personally, when i think about it, it seems that that's gonna be the simplest thing to do. to just leave everything as it is, and break things off while we still haven't majorly wounded each other. pero after ng let go, ano na? hanap na uli ng iba? then go through all the notions of flirting, going out and being comfortable with that new person all over again? that seems more nakakapagod. but more importantly than than, do i seriously believe i'm ready to just drop off everything i hav with carl? siguro nga 75% ng relationship namen, nag-aaway lang kame, pero that still us. that's still 12 months of my life. and i honestly can't say that i have what it takes to already let us go.

when do we know if it's time to let go?

sabi ni zue she's been here before, right after she broke off a 5-year relationship with her guy. sabi nia i'd just end up hurting carl more kase mag-aaway lang kame ng mag-aaway. sabi nia we probably need some time off to check if we should go on with our relationship or not. that's what they're in right now. she said he knows she love him. she just doesn't want to be with him right now. maybe 10 years down the road, maybe after everything that's been said and done, they'd get back together, but right now, seems like she's enjoying the no strings attached thing she has with patrick.

despite everything, i'm believing that each take on every relationship is different. and sana carl and i have a diferent thing going on between us. i'm thinking that i'd probably end up with carl in the long run. sabi ko nga siguro kahit magkaron pa ko ng ibang lalaki in the future, i'd still be back together with him. pero i feel na he's being overly serious with our relationship na parang i'm not ready for THAT type of commitment. he knows i'm just enjoying what we have right now. i'm not yet thinking of what's for us in the future just yet. pero i'm not totally warding myself off on the prospect of that. naiinis lang ako na how the heck will we be able to get to that future when all we ever do is argue about our issues? i admit, for the most part i'm very immature about a lot of things. i'm closed-minded, and more often than not i feed on my hurts. and i don't like myself when i'm that, but that's just how i am. i say a lot of things to him that i know i shouldn't say, i do stuff when i'm mad, which i know i'd regret when i'm in a more reasonable state, all in all, i'm just a megabiatch when i'm pissed with him. but i'm only mad for a couple of hours - tops. after i've spent my anger, i don't feel any of that anymore. pero yun nga yung problema e, kase along the way, sobrang nahhurt ko sha. and if you'd know my boyfriend, he's doesn't deserve any of that, in the least. this may sound scripted, but literally, he's only after making me happy. i don't know why i'm doing this to him.

public apology siguro ito? for what happened between us. kase kahit mag-rattle ako on and on about this whole thing, i know i'd never muster enough humility to actually say sorry to him for the things i did. like what a friend said, pride ko lang ang meron ako. but if you strip me off of this pride, i am sorry, carl. you don't have to tell me how much what i've said stung. i know that. i made sure of that. i'm just hoping na after all this, you'd still see me in the same way. i care for you a lot. that's one thing that's stable. even if everything else about us is shaky.

haay. what a great mood i got myself in. i'd be leaving for camp in a couple of hours, i still haven't packed my stuff and i only catched a few hours of sleep. can i still say it's all good? sana nga maya-maya i'd get to think of it that way again.

bite back?